Lasting Love or Limerence

February 12, 2020      Motivation, Self Care

And he leaned down to kiss the sleeping beauty and save her from a lifetime of doom. For without him she would be lost. When she awoke from his kiss they fell madly in love and rode off into the sunset to live happily ever after.

Our childhood fantasy in addition to statements like:

You’re the one!

Soul Mates!

I feel complete when you’re around.

You’re mine.

Lead to unreasonable expectations of happily ever after and being owned by another person as “You’re Mine” would suggest, it’s no wonder why so many relationships are set up for failure.

First, let me say, who doesn’t want to be “in love”? It feels great! The high of the dopamine from LOVE! There is no better feeling in the world. It makes you feel like you’re flying. Like nothing can kick you down. I am all for that! But it’s dangerous when you depend on another person to feel that way. That feeling can be taken from you at the first sign of trouble.

So, with Valentine’s Day just a couple days away, I want to take a moment to reflect on what LOVE truly is.

According to Google, it is an intense feeling of deep affection. A great interest and pleasure in something. And Wikipedia states “Love encompasses a range of strong and positive emotional and mental states… (from) simple pleasures.”

The common denominator here is that love is a feeling or emotion. If you have read some of my other blogs, you know that emotions start as a thought that you choose.

In other words, Love is an emotion that we choose to feel based on what we think about the other person. If we think positively about something, it is easier to love.

“People who are truly in love tend to focus on the positive qualities of their beloved, while overlooking his or her negative traits. They also focus on trivial events and objects that remind them of their loved one, daydreaming about these precious little moments and mementos.” States an article from Live Science.

When we are so consumed about anything, we are destined to make it work.

But what about when the limerence wears off? When other thoughts and reality of life starts to take over again? What then? Where do we stand?

This part in romance is when “love” fades and relationships fail. We can’t stay in that “honeymoon” state forever. It’s not realistic. Nothing would get done.

This is where the work comes in. Keeping in mind that thoughts create feelings, feelings create actions which then create results. A romantic example of that would be to consistently think positively about your partner. If you notice an annoyance about him/her, find something you love also. The feeling of love will continue and you will continue to do loving actions like holding hands, buying flowers, giving compliments, taking vacations and doing each other’s laundry. These actions will continue results of a lasting, respectful relationship.

We must remember, love is a decision that we are blessed to make. It’s a choice that we get to elect every day.

Here’s the caveat, it’s hard to love others if we don’t first love ourselves.

And sometimes loving ourselves is hard based on the decisions we make. We have to work hard at loving ourselves. We increase our own love and respect toward ourselves through basic selfcare, gratitude, exercise, eating healthy and positive self-talk. But self-love and self-care don’t just happen. It takes planning, effort and work.
And it takes that same showing up and effort to love another person.

We work on ourselves so we can love the relationship we have with ourselves. And we need to work on our relationships with others so we can love and appreciate the relationships we have with others.

This effort and work is required for romance, friendships, working relationships and family members.

Trust, communication, respect, vulnerability, hard work and the willingness to care for the other is what’s needed for lasting love and companionship.

If you have that with your partner, family members, friends, co-workers, yourself or anyone else, you are very lucky.

Find that lasting love. And work to make it last.